Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Everybody Needs a Little Sunshine, Sometime.

One of the things I was most excited about when making the decision to move to New Mexico was that it has 300 sunny days per year, on average.  Well...today isn't one if them.  What made this especially grim on this day was the fact that I am feeling lonely and really missing my husband, children and friends.

During my morning quiet time I was questioning God on His plan for us, for me.  Did I misread signs?  Did I jump ahead of His will?  As confident that I was before I left Chicago, I now wondered if that confidence was merely my desire for adventure.  As I sat in my little room in the warehouse that I share with four hippies, I prayed for something...something to let me know that I was okay...I was in The Plan.  I contemplated the words of the particular scripture I was reading this morning and one line kept popping out to me.  "Obedience to God comes before obedience to man."

What in the world?  Does my loneliness come from the fact that it has been somewhat of a struggle for me to be away from my family?  Does it stem from the fact that it seems to be difficult for John that I am so far away?  Is it "man" (albeit my family in this case) that is causing me to feel ill at ease because I feel like I'm not "obeying" them by being away from them?

My very least favorite feeling is when I am unsure if I am doing the right thing and as a result letting people down or causing them to need therapy for the rest of their life.  "Why oh why does the weight of the world rest upon my shoulders alone," she asked herself as she thought for a moment she was back in Drama class.

So, outside of my window grey skies greet me.  I decide to go outside and have a cigarette.  As I light up, I look up to the heavens.  It is there that I see the most beautiful expanse of sunny skies in a break in the clouds.  I almost wept.

I guess the lesson today is...no matter how grey the skies may appear on first glance, there is a sunny sky above it all.

Diane

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Loved this blog. Saw my first early morning sunrise since, oh so long ago...your thoughts and mine juxtaposed.

Unknown said...

Loved this blog. Saw my first early morning sunrise since, oh so long ago...your thoughts and mine juxtaposed.