Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The "Pushpins" of our Life

If you have ever looked for houses on the Internet, you may have seen a "pushpin" on a map, indicating the location of the home for sale.  I have seen many of these "pushpins" as John and I search the maps of Santa Fe, looking for a place to live once we arrive.

Not being familiar with the area, I often zoom in and out so that I can get a better sense of where a home is in relation to familiar landmarks.  Whether I'm zoomed all the way in, or all the way out, the "pushpin" stays put right on that map, no matter what.  I can zoom out until I have an entire map of the world and the "pushpin" will be there.  I can zoom all the way in and the "pushpin" will still be there.

These last few weeks my "pushpin" of life has been staring me in the face as my life map is zoomed in as far as it can zoom.  I have been nervous, tense and worried as the zoom-in-ed-ness had me impatient and waiting.  I was waiting for a background check to clear, waiting for a medical clearance, waiting to hear a start date so that I could solidify plans here.  For me, this time was a huge lesson on trust.  I had to trust that all would be well.  This was a struggle for me - I admit that.

Now that I have clearance and an actual start date, my life map has zoomed out somewhat.  I can see that "pushpin" on a larger map.  It's the same "pushpin" that I was viewing yesterday, but I can see it in relation to a much larger life area.

It is a relief to zoom out on ones life map.  I guess the lesson I have learned is that...sometimes you have to zoom out in order to get true perspective on the "pushpins" of your life.

That is all for now.

(Side note to Julie...BAM!)

Monday, March 25, 2013

The Beginning of Goodbye

And so the week of saying "goodbye" begins.  I do not enjoy "goodbyes", not because they make me sad (I always have a contingency plan, where it's not 'goodbye'...just...'see you later'), but because they are socially awkward for me.

Perhaps this is due to the fact that I moved around so much as a child.  I was able to get used to not getting too comfortable in one place, or invest in too many close relationships.  We are all only here on a journey, after all.

This is not intended to minimize or invalidate the relationships I have with others.  This is temporal survival.  If I were to allow myself to open up to even the smallest amount of love that I feel for and from the people in my community, I would surely perish.

As it is, I believe with all of my soul that we will all be together again.  There are some that I will not see again this side of heaven.  I believe that we have all inter-connected for a reason...that because we have known each other we are better human beings.  In that inter-connectedness, we can never truly be apart.

So...know that when I say, "goodbye" this week, what that translates to, in Diane language is, "Thank you so much for being in my life and helping me to become the person I was created to be.  Even though we may no longer see each other on a regular basis, remember that we are all still sleeping underneath the same big sky...and wouldn't THAT be a great line in a song.

Diane :)