Saturday, March 19, 2011

Uncategorized Moments in Time

As many of you know, today is my birthday. Today I am going to share a story with you that may have you refusing to ever visit this blog again and I hesitate to share it'll see...

The reason I have decided to share it is that it caused me to laugh so much that I thought it wouldn't be fair to keep this story inside. I needed to get it out to the world to hopefully cause others to laugh as well...

So...I'm getting to that age where sometimes I don't have as much control as I would like over some bodily functions. ( may want to stop reading here.) I was directing some 8th grade students in a scene from our annual play. Katie Rose was with me because she is my sidekick...thank goodness for her. She was next to me manning the sound system.

I'm not sure what it was that I ate that afternoon, but when the gas was expelled (quietly, of course), the stench was almost unbearable. One hopes that it will only linger around ones own body and not venture too far, or one hopes that it will dissipate before reaching other humans. Katie Rose (being used to this odor as it is a familiar to her), quietly reached over to me and whispered in my ear, "Mom, did you fart?" I smiled and nodded and we shared a family chuckle.

I prayed it was the end, after all the other students were pretty far away on the stage from where I was standing. The scene began and Tommy entered stage left and started to laugh for no reason. I was fervently praying that it was because he had just gotten the giggles. He had to start over a couple of times, but finally the scene was underway and I heaved a bit of a sigh of relief (no pun intended). The princess in the scene suddenly broke character and said, as she waved her script back and forth, transforming it into a fan, "Tommy, did you fart?" The other girls immediately did their "ewww, gross" noises and backed away from Tommy. He was so cute in trying to defend himself.

Katie Rose and I started giggling as we looked into each others eyes, wondering what we should do. More Tommy-bashing on the stage and more laughter beginning to rise out of the bellies of all who were there. I could tell Katie Rose was at a complete loss. She couldn't stand by and watch Tommy take the blame for something he didn't do, yet she so fervently wanted to protect her mother from embarassment.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't just stand by and watch Tommy be "eww-ed" and "gross-ed" on account of me anymore. I fessed up. "You guys! It was me!", I said. The shock on their faces caused us all to laugh even harder. One of the students (a delightful young woman) commented, "It's okay. It happens to everyone." She was trying to defend her elder to her classmates. It was, needless to say, an awkward moment. We all laughed until we cried.

I'm not sure what lesson we learned from this. I think it was just one of those moments in life that you just can't's just out there, floating around in eternity.

We were able to eventually move on through the scene and I made darn sure that my legs were squeezed together so tightly that even if air wanted to escape, it would have a very difficult time.

Thank you for listening to my story and....Happy Birthday to me. Getting older is quite an experience.



Julie said...

OK Diane - that was some funny shit!! Well done! Enjoy your birthday!!

Jan B said...

Finally getting around to reading - and yes, I'm laughing! Hard! You slay me. Don't worry - this wouldn't begin to keep me from reading your blog. ;)

Nancy Mae said...

Too funny! Runs in the family. Your great grandmother also could not control "gas passing" and I remember sitting next to her in church when she let rip with a loud, drawn out explosion of great proportion during the preachers sermon. We both just looked forward as if nothing unusual had just taken place in our "pew"!