Sunday, November 28, 2010

The Epiphany

Thank you, Cathy Luft Goll, for your comment about Gracey being a strong independent woman, who at least had a rationale for not wanting to do what I wanted her to do. This is the basis of my epiphany.

As we go through life, we are encouraged to be independent citizens of whatever land in which we are a part. As independent citizens, we are encouraged to use our unique gifts and talents for the good of the entire community. This makes for a well-balanced life for not just ourselves, but for others.

As each of us learns to be independent, we go through phases of learning, whereby, we are called on to make a choice - me or them. Early on in our learning, we most often will choose "me". It's natural and it's also why we have those more wise to steward us until we can get to a point where all of our decisions are weighed against the "me" or "them" choice, with the "good of all" being the best option - no matter what it costs us individually.

Back to the Gracey situation from yesterday. Gracey wasn't at the "good for all" place in her learning yet...she is embedded in the "what do I have that is unique?" aspect of her learning. In this test of decision making yesterday, she passed with flying colors!

I, on the other hand, failed miserably at the test, because I took my stewardship role and made it a dictatorship, ordering the "subjects" to do my will merely because I said so.

I was not wrong, in wanting the family to be united in look for the church directory. I know, from experience that 10 years down the road, people will look to the pictoral directory as a way to reference things like, births, deaths, colleges, life moments, etc. I know that I use the directory to refresh my mind as to "whose mom that was", when I hear of a loss in the parish...or "when did that little Jimmy get old enough to be in college?" The purpose of the directory went beyond Gracey's understanding. She hadn't experienced the directory like I had; therefore, she had no reason to simply do what I wanted her to do without explanation. Or did she?

How often are we led to do things that we simply don't want to do, knowing in our heart of hearts that we have a darn good reason to not do them? How often do we take our own road, when those who love us and are stewarding us out of love, tell us to take a different avenue? It happens pretty often in my own life.

We MUST trust our steward! It's the only way. We don't know the big picture. We may think we do, but we really don't. We aren't that learned yet. Thank God that he is a wise steward and not one that rants and raves about obeying Him simply because "He's the mom" and "He's in charge."

If I had to do it over, I would have tried to explain a little more to Gracey why it was important for our family to have a united front. I don't think this would have changed her mind in the least, but at least she could have progressed in her learning in a more positive way. As it was, I "abandoned" her by saying, "I don't like you, anymore." That's not stewarding out of love.

Once again, God has taught me a valuable lesson through a suffering moment.....or it could have been that I just forgot to take my meds that day.



Janice said...

My examples to your struggles and epiphanies are too many to recount. But then, sometimes, your children tell you that you are allowed to gloat or say "i told you so" because they NOW see the wisdom of your words. What a blessing that is. Hang in there, Diane! Proverbs 31:28.

Jan said...

SO beautifully thought out and then stated. You are a wise and beautiful person. We all make mistakes. But we don't all learn from them or even seek to learn from them. It's in this seeking, though, that we find real opportunity for growth - and a broader ability to love.

Thanks for sharing.

kelleyj said...

I understand. Thanks for sharing. Don't you love epiphanies?