Monday, May 31, 2010

Santa Fe Part 2

As I was saying....

My children are a delight to me. In the past 2 years or so, the stress of our financial situation has caused both John and I to worry somewhat and that worry has manifested itself in withdrawal from spending good time together. Our time spent together as a family started to become somewhat filtered through the lens of financial worry. The children sensed it and were told on many occasions, "We can't afford that." or "That's not in the budget." or, in an effort to keep them from worrying about our financial situation, come up with a "legitimate" reason that they couldn't participate in one thing or another, usually making it about them. "They" didn't clean their room or "they" didn't do their homework, or "They" were mean to their sibling 3 weeks ago on Tuesday at 3:32pm.

(I just want to say right here that the above paragraph was very therapeutic to me and it wasn't until voicing this on paper....well....on blog... that I realize what I, as a parent, was yoking my children with.)

Another trick to avoid a situation that is uncontrolable, is to sleep. I have been doing alot of that lately, as well. It started when I quit smoking back in Oct. of 2008. It was easier to get over the cravings for a cigarette when I was asleep. The sleeping worked to help me escape the desire for nicotine, so I figured it would work for whenever I wanted to escape something. So now the poor, overworried children have a mom that takes a daily nap.

One last trick I used to avoid worry, is to be involved in ALOT of things. I did pretty much everything asked of me or I volunteered to take on things whenever I saw a need. (Here is where things get complicated). Because the "extras" that I participated in were serving God based, the line between service and escapism and feeling neededism began to blur. I am all about God using seemingly bad situations for His good and I don't regret one moment of service to Him, because when I gave it to Him, it was His to do with what He wanted and I am blessed to be able to see some of what He has done with my menial service. That being said, though, He sees my heart and knows what my true motivation is at any given moment even if it is a mixture of many motivations at once.

It is within this service area that I feel so blessed here in Illinois. I have developed relationships that are life-affirming here. I have hopefully made some of the children at school a little less nervous about things that seem SO important at their age. I have hopefully had a part in helping some develop their relationship with God. (I know this may sound all "good for me" and all, but it's really just a thankfulness for God allowing me to help Him in his work by using different gifts He gave to me in the first place)

I'm going to stop again now, but I sense that I'm beginning to get to the heart of why I want to move to Santa Fe....so stay tuned.

Diane

1 comment:

Frank O'Mahony said...

Well you are certainly more thoughtful about your move to Santa Fe that we were, when my wife, 5 yr old son and me moved here in 2001! We just said - gotta get out of here, Santa Fe looks cool, let's try that!

Now I'm a realtor here in Santa Fe, and I love to work with families moving here, sharing my knowledge not only of homes and neighborhoods, but also of schools and things for kids to do. So if you need a realtor in Santa Fe who's recently been through what you're about to embark on, my website is www.EvolveSantaFe.com.

My very best wishes on your move!