Sunday, July 19, 2009

Continuation of last post....

I couldn't figure out how to add to the last post which I saved as draft to finish later and so I just clicked on Publish Post and figured I'd just make a new post.

I was waxing eloquent about what I learned on this year's sisters' trip.....Among the myriad of shells we collected along the shore, I found a small tidbit of information that I hadn't realized before.....okay, I'll stop being all lyrical now.

It was when we were all searching for a common thread to connect us to our childhood in California that I came to the realization that no matter how old or unimportant or behind the times or yucky I percieve myself to sisters still look to me as the leader. Sometimes they talk all big and brave and stuff, but when push comes to shove, they're just big chickens and need their big sister to take care of things for them. Not in all things, mind you, but in some things.

This realization brings me much happiness. Although I may verbally wish for the responsibilities of my leadership to be over, I learned that I secretly need to be needed because being needed pushes me onward. And we all know that if we are not moving onward, we are either going backward or noward.

Kelley, I love you so much. Margie, you are a treasure I want to always keep safe in my heart. Jeanette, you will always be my lovey. Nancy, my brother could not have been more blessed than to call you his wife. Thank you, sisters.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Another Sister's trip behind me

It's Saturday. Kelley's plane left this morning at 6:00am. Margie and Jeanette are leaving in an hour or so. I am here in CA for another two days - I got a better air fare if I stayed extra days.

From the moment I leave these precious sisters of mine each year, I begin to long for the next summer when we can all be together again.

Each year I learn something new about myself after these trips. Each year I learn something new about my sisters. Each year I learn that what I had previously thought about one of them was way off.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Okay, I'm done. I want to change back.

As many of you may or may not know, I quit smoking back in October. As part of the "new" me, I dyed my hair brown. I'd been blonde for all of my adult life and I needed something in mid-December to keep me focused on caring about the new non-smoking me. So I went to the drug store and got me some Loreal Brown Stuff.

I LOOKED FABULOUS! Let me just tell you. I was so happy with the result, that all that went through my mind was, "Oh my gosh, why didn't you do this 10 years ago?"

Well, now it's been about 6 months and I'm done, I think. I want to be blonde again, but I think it's too late. Coloring my own hair is SO much less expensive than getting it done professionally. At this time in our lives, we cannot afford to go back to getting highlights every 6 to 8 weeks, and what happens when I go longer than 8 weeks is, I start to look just grayed out. At least with the brown, I can always go back to the drug store and for $10 bucks, just freshen my look up a bit.

I have inserted a photo of me with brown hair for those of you who haven't seen it yet....
See? It's not horrible, but when you look at my blog photo with the blonde hair, it's so much more me.....but it's a smoking me.....and a richer me.....
Then I start thinking about how stupid this all is. Does it really make a difference what color hair I have? Shouldn't I just be happy with being me on the inside? Isn't that what you all fell in love with? Or did you all fall in love with my own perception of me as a blonde? Was I more fun? Did I accept myself more? Was it easier to be more positive as a blonde? Are darker haired people just darker people for some reason?
Answers! I need answers.
I just returned home from orientation for Johnny at St. Louis University. I'm going to catch up on all of my mail now. If you've taken the time to read these rantings of mine, thank you. It means alot - not sure why, but it does.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Here is a layout that I finished yesterday at my one-woman crop.
Katie and Mickey were kind enough to let me take some photos of them to play with. The did a whole "friend to enemy" scene. This is the friend part.

Is she Mad?

I have me a little "mad" on today. You know, the kind that makes you just want to burst out into tears because of the frustration of it all? The kind that makes you want to just throw in the towel and give in to every negative emotion, no matter how hard you've tried to remain positive? The kind that makes you want to run away to a deserted island to do everything your own way, and screw anyone that tries to make you do it their way?

Yeah, that's the kind of "mad" I have on today.

I went to church still all pissed off. Got into the building and knew that my mood didn't fit the place, so I prayed. I let it go. I let all of the anger take a break. And you know what? It worked. I felt better and less angry. I know that things are tough everywhere. I just need to chill and be who I am and not change for someone else. I am who I am - anger and all.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Waylen Visited Us.

Here's something that makes me laugh..... I went to my blog to see it again after a very long time and I realized that the last time I posted on it was January 2008!!!!! I can't believe I've had it this long and I can't believe that it's been so long since I posted. So, here's to the 4th of July.

Just dropped Waylen off at the airport to fly home to his family. What a fun guy! He kept us highly entertained the entire week. Through his competitive nature, we were able to reminisce about Jeanette - it was like her in boy form. The train ride "word tennis" game had not just us laughing, but the entire train car as Waylen would squeeze his water bottle as he tried to come up with a word to fit the category. And when he didn't win, he'd declare victory anyway. The category was State Capitals. It was Katie Rose's turn. She says "Springfield". He says "Milwaukee". I'm like, "I think Madison is the capital of Wisconsin." He's like, "Yeah, but what's up with Springfield. What's Springfield the capital of?" Of course we are all hysterical laughing because the kid next to Waylen says, "It's the capital of Illinois."

Fun times.